it's hell getting old

This week I started back on my "full time" schedule. I was technically full time before at 30 hours but apparently everyone wanted to call that "part time". 

My schedule was 7:30 - 1:30 every day and it was AWESOME!  I got all my work done at my day job and then was able to get a lot of work done at my REAL job, Fennibird.  AND I was able to take a little me time so I wasn't so bitchy all the time (though the boys may think differently).
I loved my schedule.

Well this week the powers that be decided that I had had enough of a good thing and I was told to come back to 7:30 - 4. boo. So now I'm tired, I'm bored, I'm crabby. I don't have any time to work at my REAL job or I should say I don't have a lot of motivation to work at my REAL job. I get off work, get my son, make dinner, clean, clean some more (yet my house is still a poo hole) and then I'm freaking exhausted by 8 pm.  Which got me to thinking....

I was sitting here about to pass out at 8 pm when it struck me that yes, it's only 8 O' FREAKIN' Clock. There's absolutely no reason why I shouldn't be busting my tush to get some art work done right now. But I'm exhausted.

Why? Is it old age? is it the complete brain drain of my day job (sorry if for some really wacked out reason my boss is reading this...but yes, my job is a snooze-fest. If you don't believe me, watch Laura for awhile. She falls asleep at least once a day. I digress....)

So what's the point of this rant? I have no idea. I'm tired. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

On a happy note...
Last weekend was the first of many East Village Sunday Bazaars!! I had a great time, met a lot of very cool and funny people. I made quite a few sales and there was a lot of interest in my work. YAY me!!

http://desmoines.metromix.com/events/standard_photo_gallery/east-village-bazaar-sunday/2803286/content

The Bazaar goes on every Sunday in September and October. Be there or be square. Seriously, I don't think I've seen so many hipsters since my last vacation in Chicago with my favorite hipsters, Joe & Dee (love you!)

I'm really tired

Why do I procrastinate?  Seriously, why have I not learned my lesson yet?  High school and college, nights and early mornings busting my ass to get papers and projects done.  Now, busting my ass to get jewelry done before the 1st East Village Bazaar of year. 

It's supposed to be huge on Sunday. Biggest crowd yet.  The HyVee Triatholn is the same time. The hours of the Bazaar are extended just to hopefully get all those running people to come out and buy stuff.

So I had what? 2 months to get ready? So when did I really start getting to work? Last week. Ok, maybe last weekend. Seriously, I'm exhausted.

And to top it off I'm dealing with my usual low self esteem. I'm annoying :)

I made a few pendants featuring the stunning skyline of Des Moines. I think they're kinda cool.

My 15 minutes

I was included in an article about local crafts in the Des Moines Register today.

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20110821/LIFE/308210009/Handmade-Iowa-creative-household


I have mixed feelings about it. Besides the horrendous personal photo, I think I would be ok with it :)
My sister took my picture at the last minute. I had just got back from the farmer's market. I was really hot and tired.  I have crazy eyes. 
Then I made a dorky comment about wanting to be married to someone from Duran Duran when I was younger.  It's true.  I loved Andy Taylor. I was going to be the hottest painter in London, living in a loft, married to Andy. We'd jet set to fabulous tropical locations with the rest of the band and their cool wives. I hope he reads this and I can tell him I'd still marry him. Just sayin...

So yea, the article was nice. I hope people read it and come the East Village Bazaar....and buy all my stuff.  I was really excited to be included. When I got the email asking me, I was so happy and excited and nervous.  What a great opportunity!

And then yes, of course I went the typical Jen route and immediately started doubting myself and comparing myself to the others included in the article.  They're all in brick and morter stores. Why can't I grow some cajones and go into a store and see if they'll carry my stuff?  Seriously, I can not think I can make this a full time deal if I can't get into a store!! But I'm so scared of the "no". And I also think I'm a little scared of "yes".

No means I suck and everyone who has ever bought anything is just pitying me (yes because that's what people do....spend money on things they hate just to be nice! don't you?)
Yes means this is real and I have no one to blame but myself if it fails. And so I guess I'm scared of being the failure.

I really wish I had more of an artist's typical ego.  I never would have made it in London with this crap attitude!

I'm very lucky to be included in the paper.  I'm very lucky to included in the East Village Bazaar. I'm very lucky so I'll just shuty and enjoy my 15 minutes....or less cuz I don't think my portion of the article was 15 minutes worth....unless you count that it's be in the paper all day and another paper doesn't come out until tomorrow morning...so maybe it's 24 hours.....

20 years later...still have issues...

This weekend was my 20th high school reunion. I hated high school.  and I couldn't tell you why.  I wasn't ridiculed (to my face at least), people weren't excessively mean to me. Yea, I was the "art freak" who hung out with the other weirdos.  I had a great group of friends. So looking back I wonder why I don't think of that time more fondly. Sure I couldn't beg a guy to look at me....but I made up for that in college (Hello!)

I think the reason I hated high school is for the same issue I deal with every day. I never feel like I'm good enough. I wasn't good enough to be "popular" or even dateable.  I always wanted to be something I wasn't. 

It's the same issue I deal with everyday. I don't feel good enough in my current life and especially in my art and business.
I constantly question myself and how I'll be perceived, how my art will be judged.  How ridiculously stupid.  I was good enough then and I'm good enough now.  My art is my own. I should want to do my art for myself and no one else.

At the risk of sounding like Stuart Smalley, I wish I realized that I'm pretty cool....I'm pretty kick ass. I wish I could walk into a room, any room, and remember that.

welcome to the digital age

This weekend has been a good one for me.  I discovered the joys of digital art.

For Christmas last year, my husband Tom surprised me with a new computer.  Granted, he was sick of me stealing his laptop every night but still, very generous.  It's one of those cool ones with the touch screen tab thingy. 
As you can tell from my description, I'm very knowledgable about computers.

Anywho, it came with a basic paint program that basically sucks.  So I thought about shelling out the cash for Corel or one of the other major programs. I looked at them all. I used the free demos.
By the word "use" I mean, I tried them for one day and then got so confused and annoyed I never tried again.
I contemplated going back to school for digital art but quickly realized that was a dumb idea (for me. Anyone who goes back to school is a hero in my eyes).

So on Friday night I was browsing the internets....can't even remember what I was doing... and I stumbled upon a painting program.  I did a little research and found that it's the perfect program for "newbies" like myself. I played around on the demo and quickly bought the full version. It was freakin' cheap too!!

And now I'm in love.  I can't stop playing. How cool is it to "paint" without the hassle and mess of real paint? Yes, the traditionalist in me just cringed at that sentence.  Of course, nothing will ever replace the sensation of raw materials like paint, ink, and pencil.  But this program has actually released me from my dumb insecurites.  I'm not wasting good paper and canvas (which was a weird hangup I had). If I don't like something, I can just erase it.  If I love something, I can get it printed. How cool is that?!

Yes, I know I'm about 20 years behind.  But  guess I've been stubborn in thinking only "true art" is the use of traditional materials.  So I'm sorry to all you commercial and digital artists out there who I may have looked down upon.  Which is really sad considering you're out there doing what you love and I was trapped by my own insecurities.

This weekend I found the Fun in art again.

duh.

blah

I'm so very uninspired right now.
I have a bunch of shows coming up in September and October. In fact, one every weekend of those months. so yes, I should be busting my butt to get ready.  but am I? no I am not.

I'm not sure what's going on. Is it the unbearable heat of summer that's leaving me tired all the time? Is it that my day job is sucking the life out of me? Is it the snide passive aggressive comments from the one person who should be my biggest fan?

perhaps all of the above.

I hope I get my groove back soon.  Maybe I should go to Jamaica like Stella did.

Jewelry jewelry and more jewelry!

I did so much creating last weekend before the show. Now I have to take the time to list them all on Etsy.  woah this will take a while!

Here's a few examples: